A Warped Universe Romance: A Whacked Romance
by Valairy Scot
Summary: The Force needs some love to balance it: Yoda will serve as its proxy. The two Chosen Ones: Obi-Wan & Siri. Suggestive and humorous romance plot-bunnied from a comment on another story. No actual bad language or explicitness, possibly over-rated.


A wise old Jedi master, old enough to remember a time when love was allowed (and had thus indulged with Master Yaddle on more than just one occasion – and not just when high on the secret ingredients of his stew as he concocted new batches of same) was also frustrated. Frustrated, because two Jedi couldn't see what was under their respective noses – and who also seemed determined to ignore the will of the Force.

The Force, you see, was in a tug of war between the Light and the Dark. The Living Force was being dragged down with jealousy and fear, anger and greed – it needed some loving. Who better to perk it up than two Jedi, for Jedi-loving affected the Force far more than mere sentient being-loving.

The Force was desperate to heal itself. And the persistent attempts to scratch its itch meant Yoda was going to enforce its will.

It began, innocently enough.

_Whack!_

'OW!" Obi-Wan reached a hand to rub - well, let's just say Yoda's gimer stick had aimed a bit higher than normal. His yell of outrage was a mere high pitched squeak, rather as if the Jedi had been sniffing helium balloons. "What was that about?"

"Getting your attention I was. Love, Obi-Wan, what the Force needs is love." He poked at Obi-Wan's nether regions menacingly. "Get it on, you must."

"I CAN'T, you devious troll. YOU JUST PUT ME OUT OF COMMISSION!"

"Whacking what doesn't work into working order, I did," Yoda snorted, his ears fully upright. He smirked and added, "Let Siri kiss it and make it better."

"Let Siri kiss…it…" Obi-Wan flushed a rather becoming shade of red. "Ah, no, Master Yoda…you don't want me to get all excited – you really don't want that."

"Ignore the will of the Force do you?"

"Remember the Force dampening Qui-Gon had installed in the 'fresher when I, er, hit puberty. You don't want a repeat of those incidents, do you?"

"Ah, yes, rocked the entire Temple did. Made the earth move." After a moment's reflection, Yoda reached up and pinched, hard. It had the desired result; Obi-Wan yelped and fell to his knees, bent over and gasping – and face to face with Yoda. "Make the galaxy rock now, Obi-Wan you shall. Force is out of balance."

_Whack!_

Working quickly, Yoda dragged the unconscious Jedi into a small closet and deposited him there, after first removing a number of items – boots, belt – clothing.

"No choice you left me, young one. Sorry I am – but sorry you will not be when you wake."

He cackled and set about the next part of his plan.

**

"Knight Tachi, favor I have to ask you." The little Jedi stared up at the female Jedi, eyes glittering. "Believe in love do you?"

Siri's eyes narrowed. "For, ah, non-Jedi."

"Believe in following the will of the Force?"

"Of course. I'm a Jedi."

"Do whatever it asks?"

"Yes."

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Love Obi-Wan?"

"Ah, Master Yoda, that's rather a personal question."

"Make it a statement I will, then. Love Obi-Wan."

"Still personal."

A sigh and glare followed; then Yoda smiled and pointed a claw at the female knight. "A command then, I make it. Love Obi-Wan. When he wakes up – in the closet he is, all ready if not willing."

Siri rubbed her eyes, murmuring something about dreams come true – and hating to wake up.

Yoda decided it was time to take a firm hand with her as well. Luckily, he was prepared. He offered the knight a cup of steaming brew. "Drink this," he beamed. "Make your dreams come true it will."

As the knight slumped to the floor, Yoda smiled happily. It was time to execute the next portion of his plan. Much as he had with Obi-Wan, he dragged the female knight to the same closet.

Before he left, he took one last look around – and the light bulb. He had stripped the closet of all tools – except one. Yoda just hoped it worked when it was powered on.

**

_That was one hell of a party – or dream_, Siri thought woozily, trying to crank her eyes open without success. She was still asleep, clearly, since she couldn't see, but it was strange her arms were moving, feeling around to get her bearings - !

Her eyes really did snap open then. She had apparently gotten a bit more than her bearings – she had - um? She extended her Force senses and gasped. It wasn't bearings; it was warm under her hand and it felt strangely like…um, no – or was it? It suddenly twitched, apparently sensitive to touch.

"Kenobi…?" She asked cautiously. "Is that - you? Why are you…not wearing anything?"

"Unhand me, Siri." The flush on her fellow Jedi's body added just enough light to see what she had hold of. Oh, er, um…she suddenly flushed as well.

"I thought I had a grip on reality, not this…" Siri mumbled as Obi-Wan shifted. "Is there a reason you're in here, naked, and I'm – oh!"

Obi-Wan's tone was grim. "Right before he smacked me, that little troll mentioned something about getting it all off…so, um," he coughed, "I would get it, ah, on. I bet he's listening at the door."

He raised his voice so it would carry beyond the closet. "It works!"

"Siri? Were you that eager to do the Force's will - do you humans work THAT fast?" An incredulous voice came from beyond the door.

It was clear now what the Force demanded of her – and Obi-Wan. Siri smiled in the dim light. A Jedi sacrificed much in the service of the Force. What the Force now required of Obi-Wan and Siri was a small enough – she gulped, perhaps not _that_ small a sacrifice to make.

"Um, in the interest of accuracy I would suggest you no longer refer to Obi-Wan as 'little one.' I'm, ah, persuading him of the Force's will." She wrapped her arms around Obi-Wan's neck and kissed him. And again. And felt him respond.

"'Young one' I call him, not little one." Yoda reproved. "Feel the Force yet, Obi-Wan?"

A strangled croak replied, "She's working on it…oh, dear – _oh, dear Force_…**who the hell said Jedi know no passion**!"

With a deep sigh of relief the Force swirled in delight. The late edition of the Holonet news was full of a galaxy wide simultaneous rocking of each inhabited planet, coincident with the cessation of speech within one closet at the Jedi Temple.

"Come out now you may," Yoda called after a while.

"Ah, no - no, I don't think I want to - what do you think, Siri?"

"Oh, Obi-Wan, just stay put; I'll deal with him. Master Yoda?"

"Siri?"

"Don't let us out yet. Maybe next year, because I got his lightsaber straightened out and it's working."


End file.
